I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
