i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
