I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
