I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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