Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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