Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
