I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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