He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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