If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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