either way he was missing a nipple.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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