I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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