Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
