you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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