If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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