you win again, gameday.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
