Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
