I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
