I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
