It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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