used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Your cock deserves a montage
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
