It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
