Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
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