Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
