Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
