I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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