i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
