I like to think it a success when the cops are called
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
