Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
vagina is talking i cant
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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