he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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