you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
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I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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