There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
