On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
