Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
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