Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
