at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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