I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
