My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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