the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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