youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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