Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
it was like eating out sand paper
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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