im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
