like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
