i just had sex bonerless
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
