I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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