she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There r osticjed everywhere
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
