C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
