My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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