We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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