Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I can't turn off my feet"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
