her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
