This girl is more easily done than said...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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