i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my sisters under your porch take her home
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
