Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Send help, water and tortillas.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
