omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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