I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
