Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
