So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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