I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
