i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
